Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
