You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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