Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Liz is crying about burritos again.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
