So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can text with my tongue
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
