I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
