Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
