You made me cry and you don't even care
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
