she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
