Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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