Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
