I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
