i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
