she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
