Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
