I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
