Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
