I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
