She said her name was "party"
well you can't waste a boner
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
