u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
