i jhust puked up my retainher.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
