I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
