I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
As shirtless as possible
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
