just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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