If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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