Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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