just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
