and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Found the puke drawer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
