even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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