I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
