two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You took a bar mat shot.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
