I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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