What did we do last night that was yellow?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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