The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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