i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
