Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
