Soap is not a condiment
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
