Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
