Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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