That's when you crack a 10am beer
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
