for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
