I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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