Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
