I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
