So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
