all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
