its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Less talking, more tequila
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
