The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
