It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
