i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
