FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
