I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
