took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
