she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
