She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
