Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
